to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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