I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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