He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
