Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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