I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm really busy with my period
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