he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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