Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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