can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
