Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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