dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
