Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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