Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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