TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
