I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
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I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
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You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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