she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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