I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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