Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
