I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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