apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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