We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize