I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
