If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
