so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
