did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
