Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Randomize
