Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
