Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I have demons in me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
