Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
