The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
