Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
