EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He better not be in your backpack
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
