I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
