Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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