did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
