I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
pop tarts are not kleenex
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
