im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
