i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
