I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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