Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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