I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
