Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
