I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
