Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
is that a dick in a sweater?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
