puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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