i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
