youre lurking in front of me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
