One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
