sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
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Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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