I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
