I CAN MOONWALK!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
