bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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