Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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