I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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