hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
