i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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