you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
