My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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