The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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