So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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