the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
