This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
